Just complaining around

I never like to treat people unfairly because to me everyone is equal, stay under the same protection of Buddha. To me I want everything to be perfect and if anything went wrongly, I’ll point out my fingers. I tried to learn not to blame and I tried to change myself since advices are hard to swallow. But I failed. And all things started went negatively that not even a space left for positive side. My attitude, mind, soul, spirit is like not belongs to me anymore. I started to throw my tempered as I wish. I do thought of their feelings but who care about me? I become complainer and I know I hate complainer as much as other did, but my thinking is uncontrollable. I started to feel that there is no fairness in this world as human created the laws and the laws follow human. I hardly search for fairness as fairness gave satisfactions and respective. Looks like I’m too naïve that fairness does not even exist. I tried to ask for guidance but not all my prayers were answered. But I never search for the corrections. Yes I admit. I learned from my mistakes although not every mistake I can remember but I realized that I never do corrections. Is this why my prayers weren’t answered? But I feel tired when I knew human were greedy and taking advantages. I never say I’m the only perfect girl in the world but the world is so dangerous that if you don’t know the game you’re out of the game as a loser or game over. I just want a peaceful life with no selfishness, greediness and cruelness. I hate when no initiative were taken to complete the knowing problems. Success for me is like far behind me that I couldn’t reach no matter how I wanted it so much. I’m tired of being the understandable when my understandable always a misunderstood one. Is satisfaction always starting with selfishness? And why can’t it be sharing, helping and loving to gain the satisfaction? Why must most of the satisfaction begin with hatress and the hatress ended with revenge? I really don’t understand why I must care all of these when human being is so scary. If this is the ending I rather not to be matured which might end up a killer.