I thought I was an open-minded person but I was wrong. Recently, my mind full of revenges. I started to think negatively and nothing seems perfect to me. I couldn't stop myself from crying everytime I thought of failing in my life. Every words that I spoke and every actions that I did seem so imperfectly flowing. I tried to be myself, tried to be strong, tough and calm when handling stuffs. And again, I failed. I just don't have the ability to be myself. I knew that every human has their own uniqueness yet I felt I had nothing. Year 2009 is going to end soon. Sooner or later I'll grow 21. And so far, what have I done in my life? NOTHING. Oh yea, I learn REVENGES.
I thought I was able to re-start my wholly negative way of life. Again, I end up in the same position of me. The feeling of lost, lonely and dissatisfied are playing their part so well in my mind. They are conquering me and I couldn't get rid of it. The feeling of stabbing with a knife into my heart is so painful. And now, my body feel so weak where I can't even sit on a chair. My legs freezed and made me can't even move.
As I grow older, the word of "HELP" seems useless to me. Neither friendship nor trustworthy, they aren't exist to me anymore. BUT who knows what will happen tomorrow? No one knows until the end of the day.
Buddha bless.......
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