Is lying a good medicine?

I feel lucky to be myself yet I feel shameful of being myself. My stupidity make me feel/look foolish, uncomfortable, idiotic, edu-less, unconfident, guilty in most of the things I did and looks like a clown in everyone’s mind. I lost my status from the early in the beginning when my story-line starts. I feel homeless that my body always feeling the wetness when the rain pours, I feel the empty-nest inside myself and also loneliness in me. Totally no idea where I learned it from. I'm getting older and older by passing this life-cycle. Life is short yet I'm wasting it without a stop sign. I'm looking for the U-turn sign to give me a chance to look deeper into the sea. When I found that sign, I found a hungry shark as well, waiting for me to feed him. I'm strength-less to find him foods. What I can do is, offering myself to make his meal full with happiness. Sometimes, staying in the shark's stomach is far better than staying beside the border. At least I found a clearer picture in where I am now. Adventuring is no longer lasting in my journey list because I couldn't find a correct path for every journeys in my list. The guilty-ness always playing his role so well that I couldn't reach out help. Or I can say dislike help. Babies grow become adult, chicks grow become chickens, kittens grow become cats and puppies grow become dogs but where am I belong? Who's controlling my soul so well? Snakes hiss, lions roar, cows moo, and ducks quack, all of the sound sound sweetly yet I'm still searching for my very own voice with confusing map. "Human are not 100% perfect" this is how I'm staying my life with it.