WHEN CAN I BE CURED? I'M LOST!!!
I've met pirates during my sailing time. Those pirates were so cruel. They didn't kill me but tided me up with a rope and threw me into the sea. I can hardly breathe and I see many poison reptilians swimming in front of my eyes. Those reptile wanted to bit me, but thank God, I was save under his arms. When those pirates pull me out from drowning, I started to keep malice and wanted to revenge till the fullest. Where the hack those pirates come from. Can't they see that I've no money nor foods for them? And again, I'm weapon-less. When the malice inside me become stronger and stronger, I ignored everyone that come to me. I confused. Are they good or bad guys. I can't differentiate it correctly.
That's life. When you feel that your life is getting nearer to the achievement, barrier(s) will come(s) in. Hardly predict. If you were a smart one, you might be alive from those pirates, but if you are totally the opposite one, please say bye bye earlier. I'm the opposite one, and I've already say bye bye but how come I can't see my ending road yet?
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
????
I started to become quiet in the family, quiet because of too much pressure or because of tiredness,I have no idea. There is a sentence say, "everybody makes mistakes; that's why they put erasers on pencils". I found the sentence meaningful and so true about me. I know I'm kind of person who keep repeating the same mistake yet I can't figure out the mistake I've done. All the sadness in me I prefer to discover by other rather than speak it out and that's the reason why I dislike forcing as I know the ending of the forcing might end up ugly. I'm 100% sure that there is no one really understand me where I can't even know myself.
Today, Buddha has given me another chance of living where I should have now laying in the hospital if the motorcyclist doesn't hold his break. Is Buddha's decision right for giving me the chance as I feel I don't deserve it. Honestly speaking I'm too weak to continue my life too weak to find another way for my journey. But I really feel Thankful for that chance. The weaker will soon become herself I guess.......no matter what, I will still protecting myself.
Today, Buddha has given me another chance of living where I should have now laying in the hospital if the motorcyclist doesn't hold his break. Is Buddha's decision right for giving me the chance as I feel I don't deserve it. Honestly speaking I'm too weak to continue my life too weak to find another way for my journey. But I really feel Thankful for that chance. The weaker will soon become herself I guess.......no matter what, I will still protecting myself.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Disatisfaction
Why me? Why me? Why me?
I feel unfair to do all the jobs. I have to do the cleaning, the take-over/replacement, and all unwanted job. I feel tired to go on. The fact is I have choices but why you just don't let me try it. You make me feel that I'm useless,nonindependent, and a loser in everything. You should know when to let go of me instead of asking me to be by your side. If you want, I can hire a servant to help you out. Please don't tell everyone that you are doing good for me because you make feel that I can't live without you. Why my happy mood always spoiled by you? Am I not good enough for you? I know you are good to me but it's too over. Why must you tell everyone the good things that you have done? Can't you just keep quiet and do it silently? I feel bored, motion-less and speechless. The love that I used to give has become sympathy. The angry-ness in me has become my habit. Wherever I saw you, that's my attitude to you. Am I not enough toleration? Or you gave me too much of toleration until I disobey you? Do you ever know that whenever I mad of you, my heart is hurting? NO one understand why my attitude turns in a blink of an eye. The madness in me has reached 99%, afraid I might gone up to 101%.
I don't want to be a housewife. I wanted to concentrate in my studies because I need times to adjust my study skill. I'm not a fast learner like other.
Maybe I'm brave-less to object but I only have braveness in showing my habit.
I did complaint but it seems worst from time to time. You did it on purpose? How come I feel you hand me most of your job to me?? I really can't take it anymore because I feel the pain on my body. Can I reject and live my life that I wanted to be? I just can't make it because I know you are suffering. If I feel pitiful to you then who feel pitiful to me? If so then the evil would be me. I'm not trying to be heroin but I'm trying to protect myself.
I feel unfair to do all the jobs. I have to do the cleaning, the take-over/replacement, and all unwanted job. I feel tired to go on. The fact is I have choices but why you just don't let me try it. You make me feel that I'm useless,nonindependent, and a loser in everything. You should know when to let go of me instead of asking me to be by your side. If you want, I can hire a servant to help you out. Please don't tell everyone that you are doing good for me because you make feel that I can't live without you. Why my happy mood always spoiled by you? Am I not good enough for you? I know you are good to me but it's too over. Why must you tell everyone the good things that you have done? Can't you just keep quiet and do it silently? I feel bored, motion-less and speechless. The love that I used to give has become sympathy. The angry-ness in me has become my habit. Wherever I saw you, that's my attitude to you. Am I not enough toleration? Or you gave me too much of toleration until I disobey you? Do you ever know that whenever I mad of you, my heart is hurting? NO one understand why my attitude turns in a blink of an eye. The madness in me has reached 99%, afraid I might gone up to 101%.
I don't want to be a housewife. I wanted to concentrate in my studies because I need times to adjust my study skill. I'm not a fast learner like other.
Maybe I'm brave-less to object but I only have braveness in showing my habit.
I did complaint but it seems worst from time to time. You did it on purpose? How come I feel you hand me most of your job to me?? I really can't take it anymore because I feel the pain on my body. Can I reject and live my life that I wanted to be? I just can't make it because I know you are suffering. If I feel pitiful to you then who feel pitiful to me? If so then the evil would be me. I'm not trying to be heroin but I'm trying to protect myself.
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