Feel depress!!!

I feel so depress. No one ever knows what I desire, what I think, or how I live. Mom is always so unfair. My dad is always keeping silent. My second sister, outerly she looks nice, mature, kind, playful and helpful. But what I feel is she is just a pretender. She has a friend that can lay on and make sure her future is peacefully run on. She has a supporter. That’s why she can always avoid from doing staffs that she doesn’t want too. My eldest sister? She’s so selfish that she only cares for herself but abandon her own parents. This is what makes me so pissed off.

Dear Buddha, as you know, the only person I love on earth is my DAD!! I couldn’t see him from getting a bad feedback from other. Yet I’m treating him badly. I hate myself for being unable to protect him. But he just didn’t rise up his right but hold on on his temper that even his eldest daughter I could even slap her if I want to. Dear Buddha, I really dislike to see this scenario to continue but I just don’t know how to avoid. I want to keep my dad happy all the time, I just wanted to help him to lighten up his burden but I myself couldn’t do all that and what make me so angry was my two sisters are like a stature. Are they lazy? Blind? Or what? Dear Buddha, I alone couldn’t do all that burden to lighten up my dad. That’s why I need both my sisters’ help to help to lighten the burden. Dear Buddha, I’m tired of getting the entire job done alone. I couldn’t hold on to this situation as I have my own works too. Mom just keeps on mumble that I’m sick of it and I couldn’t stand it anymore. Dear Buddha, I’m not saying I’m filial daughter but I really don’t know what to do beside showing them my angry face when I saw my family isn’t in a harmony living. I do hate myself for being impatient but there is no one there to understand why I behaved like that. All of them just know how to get mad on me without knowing or wanting to know why I’m in such mood after all. I do feel lucky because I have such a lovely and patient dad with me and he fulfilled most of my dreams and yet I’m disappointing him for what he had in return. Dear Buddha, I really feel lost that I lost all the direction once I saw my dad in such situation. I do love my mom too but the way I love her seems like useless to her. I wanted to help her to lighten up her burden too, but she seems like I’m a slave to her. What I know is, the more I help her the more tired I’m going to be. I have emotions too I’m not a robot that can do all the jobs done for you. So please can you please stop mumble and do your jobs and order the right people to do it. Dear Buddha, I’m not saying without me they will suffered but the whole situation is I want both parties to live in harmony no chaos no quarrels. So, am I or both of my sisters who started the war first? I want my own sweet time too, but everytime I have my spare time, I would think about all the housework that are undone. Why the two of them can pretend it was none of their business? We all living in the same roof top why can’t we cooperate togetherly or take turns to do all the housework? Dear Buddha, I really feel tired to get through all this, I am worrying my future. I’m not pointing fingers at who to blame because I know my behavior more or little influence from the environment I’m living. I should blame myself for being immature thinking. Dear Buddha, am I too naïve? Am I to dependable on my parents? Or who am I? I started to lose myself. I afraid one day I might become the sting-ray that sting on innocent one. Dear Buddha, will I be the evil? Or I have to be the evil to bring back the peace in the water world? Dear Buddha, I really don’t want to lose the person I love.

Someone is avoiding me

At last I can breath, breath for a release that assignments time is over for now. But I found out that someone is avoiding me. Not to mention his/her name but the feeling is there. Am I too sensitive or alert to the surrounding? Maybe I'm too sensitive and guessing too much. In my life, many people had taken the step to avoid me. Yea, I know the reason, seriously I knew. Am kind a bored and that's the first reason why people are getting far and far away from me. Sometimes, my caring is too much that at the end of the period people will feel annoyed and fade up with me. Yet I can't just stood at a side and pretend nothing had happened. My caring sometimes annoyed but I just trying to play a friendly game, no intention on hurting or get someone into troubles. A nice word is called 'caring' if the opposite called 'busybody'. Human are funny and unpredictable. And I know I'm losing my patient-ness. I no longer want a thing to complete in a slow motion way but the faster as I can go is the best. I'm trying not to offer second time of offer yet I just can't make it. And when the second offer disagree from the party, my temper is out. Everytime I wanted to change the anger in me, I just can't. Am I too caring or busybody? And why are you avoiding me????