This is my 6th weeks working in D.
I love my job, my colleagues and environment over there.
Unfortunately, I can't see my future in there. Toleration given by my colleagues are too much, too much making the whole scenery become fake.
I was trying to focus and pay 100% on my work, yet I can't. I can't not because I don't want, but because I'm weak.
My weakness is too strong that sometimes I can't even bare it on myself.
I tried not to panic, not to be greedy, not to be childish and be myself.
And I realized myself is actually that loser. I'm not penalizing myself but it's the fact. I always tell other to accept the fact yet I can't see myself practicing that.
People around me always showing me their care but everytimes disappointment must occur and destroy the beautiful scene.
Christmas is near, can I make a wish to Santa and ask him to deliver it to me? If there is a Santa, there weren't poor kids hanging around the street.
I really losing my way in facing him. Am I thick skin or think too much that he's actually asking for sympathy?
I afraid he might do something crazy, out of sense and suicide.
Am I thinking it too badly?
Or I'm just assume it wrongly?
I'm not sure how long I can maintain like this, as I know my limit not left much.
I'm exhausted thinking of those silly stuffs. I wish January come quickly so that I can end my contract faster and leave peacecefully.
