Sometimes, I felt myself silly for waiting miracle to happen.
Almost half a year, I almost forget about him and his shadow is almost fade away in my heart. Why he exist in front of me again? Why he sms me again? WHY WHY WHY?? He made me miss him so much yet he made me hate him so much. When I saw him last Friday, I felt really happy yet my heart is hurting. Yes, I admit that, I still have feeling towards him. His smiles and the way he talk to me, always playing in my mind. When I woke up from my sleep, I always wish that he could be here with me. Yes, I always dream of being with him.
Sometimes, I even dream of the future between two of us, two of us living together happily ever after. Too bad, I was not holding any character of the Disney, or else my dream would come true. How I wish the fairy tale stories could just happen on me. How I wish I am the Sleeping Beauty or a Cinderella or or the Beauty that the Beast turned into a charming prince and live happily ever after (yeah...girls' dream of being the lucky ones and make the other girls jealous on her).
Haha... watching too much of fairy tale stories. BUT is a good thing isn't it? If a person has a dream there is a hope. If there is a hope then there is a life.
Alright alright, I knew the fairy tale stories are just tales that bring happiness for the kids. How old am I? Are you nut? Or are you still a kid?
Why? Why couldn't I make myself clear that he doesn't belongs to me? Why couldn't i stop thinking of him? Why? Why? Why? Can someone tell me? This is my second time of falling in love. And the feeling of secretly falling in love is so suffered. Even the feeling of an unanswered question is killing me either.
I'm a dummy. Dumm for not waking up and fit myself to this world. I knew, I knew that this relationship won't come true but I still hoping for it to happen. Am I silly? Silly for waiting and dreaming and hoping for it to happen for miracle to bounds on me.
Whatever it might happen to this world or whatever it might happen on me whether im changing into demon or angel, my heart will always remain the same and my wishes for the love one will still remain the same which it " (....."whisperring"......).
Although I felt dissapointed, but I'm glad that Buddha still giving me the feeling which represent I'm a normal human being that still contain love in myself. I promise to give all my heart on you Buddha.
I hope I can walk bravely towards my journey without any regrets.
~SMILE! Tommorrow will be a better day than today!~
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Pantun Buat Ayahku Sempena Hari Bapa
Ada ubi ada keledek itu namanya,
Hendak seratus tetapi seribu dibuang,
Tak pernah ku mengerti kegigihannya,
Sehingga kini ku besar panjang.
Masa berlalu sekilas renung,
Hari yang pedih diganti tuan,
Susah-payah hanya ditanggung seorang,
Senang-lenang dicemburi jiran.
Beliau gagah lagi peramah,
Beliau bijak lagi penyayang,
Tanpa beliau siapakah tuan rumah,
Tanpa beliau siapakah hendak dikenang.
~~Ayah, engkaulah idola ku buat selama-lamanya~~
Hendak seratus tetapi seribu dibuang,
Tak pernah ku mengerti kegigihannya,
Sehingga kini ku besar panjang.
Masa berlalu sekilas renung,
Hari yang pedih diganti tuan,
Susah-payah hanya ditanggung seorang,
Senang-lenang dicemburi jiran.
Beliau gagah lagi peramah,
Beliau bijak lagi penyayang,
Tanpa beliau siapakah tuan rumah,
Tanpa beliau siapakah hendak dikenang.
~~Ayah, engkaulah idola ku buat selama-lamanya~~
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Black and White Friends
Who am I without a family?
Who am I without a teacher?
And who am I without a bunch of friends?
I am nobody without them.
Once upon a time, there lived a girl named Slow Learner, and the story goes like this;
It's a pleasure to have friends in kinder garden. We used to dance, sing, play and eat together. When grew up, another group of friends is waiting with their open arms.
What about the kinder garden's friends?
All of us went into different type of life. All of the laughter that we used to have, gone by the wind. Care wasn't take in much because she was a dummy, didn't understand the meaning of "friendships".
When entered into secondary, the mind, little by little, changed into what we called maturity. A slow learner can't learn thing fast that's why she was given a nickname Slow Learner, what she can do is, she doesn't even knows where is her mistake. Even a simple English like 'tongue' she can't even says it correctly.
Again, entering into new environment is something fun for her because no one knows her. Nobody knows what type of girl she is. Most touches her heart was, she can finally get a good result from the help of her friends. Plus her hardworking job had pulled her heart close to Buddha and learned hundreds of new things.
When she learns how to build up a "Friendship" with her new friends, she heard the little voice of 'such a lousy presentation, don't deserve to get high marks', had melted her heart.
And she told herself "your senses were right: no sincerity in this world".
Luckily, Buddha loves her very much. He offered her another group of friends which, they had taught her a thousand of new things in reality. With the support of the New Group offered by Buddha, she felt release and thankful to them.
Problems come and go. She has lost her trust toward everyone. She's no more sincere compared last time. She became more coward. She's trying to avoid everyone that get near her. And now she's like a lost ship sailing on the ocean.
From that day onward, she has divided friends into two: black and white. It's good if the black can turns into white but not the opposite way.
The slow learner must have learn her lesson. Will Slow Learner DESERVE a good ending in her life?
Who am I without a teacher?
And who am I without a bunch of friends?
I am nobody without them.
Once upon a time, there lived a girl named Slow Learner, and the story goes like this;
It's a pleasure to have friends in kinder garden. We used to dance, sing, play and eat together. When grew up, another group of friends is waiting with their open arms.
What about the kinder garden's friends?
All of us went into different type of life. All of the laughter that we used to have, gone by the wind. Care wasn't take in much because she was a dummy, didn't understand the meaning of "friendships".
When entered into secondary, the mind, little by little, changed into what we called maturity. A slow learner can't learn thing fast that's why she was given a nickname Slow Learner, what she can do is, she doesn't even knows where is her mistake. Even a simple English like 'tongue' she can't even says it correctly.
Again, entering into new environment is something fun for her because no one knows her. Nobody knows what type of girl she is. Most touches her heart was, she can finally get a good result from the help of her friends. Plus her hardworking job had pulled her heart close to Buddha and learned hundreds of new things.
When she learns how to build up a "Friendship" with her new friends, she heard the little voice of 'such a lousy presentation, don't deserve to get high marks', had melted her heart.
And she told herself "your senses were right: no sincerity in this world".
Luckily, Buddha loves her very much. He offered her another group of friends which, they had taught her a thousand of new things in reality. With the support of the New Group offered by Buddha, she felt release and thankful to them.
Problems come and go. She has lost her trust toward everyone. She's no more sincere compared last time. She became more coward. She's trying to avoid everyone that get near her. And now she's like a lost ship sailing on the ocean.
From that day onward, she has divided friends into two: black and white. It's good if the black can turns into white but not the opposite way.
The slow learner must have learn her lesson. Will Slow Learner DESERVE a good ending in her life?
Friday, June 19, 2009
My first blog
This is my first day of jotting down my history in 'blogger'. If you think your mind is just like mine, you can just stay to connect with me. If no, I don't mind you may just leave and good luck to you. I don't mind how you judge on me, but one thing for sure is, I AM WHO I AM. Don't try to change me, and i bet you never have the chance to do so.
Does anyone knows how I lived all these years? I guess no one knows maybe not even a single one who care about it. Well, lets leave it to faith, if Buddha really loves me, he will send his 'tian se' to guide me, and if He doesn't, I'll ask and seek for His' guidance because 'Everything that happened, had its own reason(s)'.
Trust in your Buddha, God, or Allah and tide your heart with Him and He will bring you out from your darkness.
Yes, I admit that my life isn't that perfect although i trusted in Buddha, but I believe He's making me stronger everytime I fall.
Life is like a sun that shines all day long, a stage that to gain experience, a mountain that represent ups and downs, a bird that fly freely but a tree that couldn't move at all (yup, stay forever in a same old place) or a rose that contains love and etc.
Again, I admit, I wasn't that strong to handle the mountain's life because I tend to point out my first finger to the other party if anything wents wrong, yet, I've totally forgotten that there are three more fingers (except thum) are pointing back at myself until my lecturer Ms. Devi told me. And trust me, I'm trying my very very best to get over it because human are like a car, can go for repairing if the engines spoil. In the future, just make sure take good care of the engine in order to save time and money as well. I might be naive, but what's so wrong about naive?
Does anyone knows how I lived all these years? I guess no one knows maybe not even a single one who care about it. Well, lets leave it to faith, if Buddha really loves me, he will send his 'tian se' to guide me, and if He doesn't, I'll ask and seek for His' guidance because 'Everything that happened, had its own reason(s)'.
Trust in your Buddha, God, or Allah and tide your heart with Him and He will bring you out from your darkness.
Yes, I admit that my life isn't that perfect although i trusted in Buddha, but I believe He's making me stronger everytime I fall.
Life is like a sun that shines all day long, a stage that to gain experience, a mountain that represent ups and downs, a bird that fly freely but a tree that couldn't move at all (yup, stay forever in a same old place) or a rose that contains love and etc.
Again, I admit, I wasn't that strong to handle the mountain's life because I tend to point out my first finger to the other party if anything wents wrong, yet, I've totally forgotten that there are three more fingers (except thum) are pointing back at myself until my lecturer Ms. Devi told me. And trust me, I'm trying my very very best to get over it because human are like a car, can go for repairing if the engines spoil. In the future, just make sure take good care of the engine in order to save time and money as well. I might be naive, but what's so wrong about naive?
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