Too much feelings?!

I always thought, human need chances to grow, to gain deeper knowledge and make healthier living, but I was wrong. My mind is not mature enough to differentiate the right and the wrong things. I thought, I was able to carry it by myself, not until I realized, I'm a problem creator.
Yesterday, I gave a candidate a chance, to make a better living of herself, guess what? Today, what I can see is, gossips are around, appreciation wasn't in the place and humanize wasn't there as well. Was I making a wrong decision to give them chances? Thanks to my senior for giving me the opportunity to conduct the program, I guess I was not confident and not fierce enough, I failed him. Candidate Z not respecting me and not obeying me. Should or shouldn't I give her another chance? Anyway, with the yes or no answer, my senses told me, something big going to happen tomorrow? No matter what, I'm ready to face the consequences.

Happy yet guilty

I suppose to be happy but I destroyed the happiness. The feeling of disappointment is now concurring my heart, soul and mind. The innocent me, now changed to devil. Lying, cheating and pretending is my no.1 skill, I'm pro in that. I wish I have a chance to act in a drama. Definitely, I'll win the award of best liar. I have cheated and fooled the world. How can I ever did that? But don't worry, I know the justice will play fairly, the cheater will soon be caught and embarrass in front of the trillion audience. No one ever make mistake. Yes, very true context, yet I keep on doing the same mistake. When can I wake up, wake up and face the reality that I'm a loser and afraid of failure in reality? All those positive words that I had given, are pointless. Pointless from the starting. I'm tired and bored of it. I couldn't use the ability given by god appropriately. I keep on blaming and finding excuse to cover the problem one after another. I never try to stand alone. How can I turned into this bitch? I had betrayed myself.